SPECTRUM SPOTLIGHT: featuring Elijah Thomas
As a part of The Answer Inc’s Commitment to de-stigmatizing society’s opinion of persons with Autism & Other Developmental Differences, our Spectrum Spotlight Series was created to shine a light on exceptional Children & Young Adults everywhere - who… in-spite of obvious limitations, are ever committed to living their best life.
This month, we are shining a light on Elijah Thomas… a strong, independent, and ambitious young man, who loves GOD, hard work, family, sports, and people. And, in this episode of Spectrum Spotlight - Elija’s father Malcolm - reminds us: that it is important that you know that you will never know everything, and that it is a must that you connect with people and organizations like Debra Vines and The Answer Inc. He reminds us that even today, we may need to know something or better yet, someone else may call us with something they need to know - and in order to help that person, we may have to say, “I don't know much about that, but I know someone who most likely knows, and if she don’t know she definitely know who knows” — and then we can connect them with an organization like The Answer Inc - who lives to do just that.
ME: Tell me about the early days of Elijah’s journey, beginning with his diagnosis.
MALCOLM: I want to say he was around five years old and I still didn't know what autism really was. Actually, before that moment, I was still thinking that he was just gonna grow out of it.
After that moment however… any time I saw anybody mention anything about autism - I would say, oh, let me go back and read and learn about what they talking about.
It was around that time also, that I came across the facebook page of Debra Vines. And, even though i was new to facebook at that time, i started to watch her page like it was channel 7 news. Matter of fact, it was a whole year later that i would meet her at a swimming party that another autism organization was having - which was an event that i discovered on her page.
And so I reached out to her about that event and she told me she would get back to me, and then called back and told me to come with my son. What i didn’t know at the time.. was that she was gonna pay our way, and that we were gonna meet about 30 other families. Watching Debra pay their way as well, and give us all food tickets, made me feel like i needed to get more involved and and contribute more, and so thats what i started to do, and that what we have been doing ever since.
ME: What were some of the early adjustments that you had to make???
MALCOLM: The biggest adjustment i had to make early on, was figuring out when to whop him and when not to. As a black man i knew i had to teach him that there were consequences to your actions and that if i didnt teach him that he would end up behind bars or something.
I was practicing to give him warnings because i knew he needed that, but i also had to listen to my spirit when it told me not to hold back.
One time I gave him all these warnings warnings and I said I'm gonna get you - you messing up in school again and your teacher done call me right. His mother and i were no longer together at this point… and so, you know, when I came over, and came to take him in the room and whooping right… he had a big old book in the back - and I'm talking about like a big old giant history book - like I can't see that book in the back where your but is.
And even though that was so funny, at the same time i know that he needs to know - you can't get on the bus and not pay. And that even if i decided not to whop him, I had to start learning to bring him to do things with other people in society. And, that too was an adjustment, as I started to learn from people like Temple Grandin - and her talks about how we got to stretch the mind of our autistic children. How we got to try everything right, and that's not me, but i had to make that adjustment for him.
ME: What were some of your noteworthy challenges along the way???
MALCOLM: One of the biggest challenges we’ve had along the way, was when he was having these meltdowns in school. There was this one time where, because he was eating so fast in school, and one of the teachers went to take his food from him to just to slow him up, he had this major meltdown - tried to kick the teacher and everything, and they had to drag him out of the lunch room.
And you know, I had to go up there, and tell them not mess with food and we'll just let him eat fast… and the teacher was likes - if i had known all this was going to happen, I would have just let him keep his food, you know.
And those meltdowns were always a challenge from about 3rd to 6th grade. Often resulting from anything.
ME: What were some of your noteworthy victories along the way???
MALCOLM: Those meltdowns stopped around 6th grade, just around the time he started going to church with me. I remember the first time, he had to go to a separate kid class and I was wondering - why these people have not came and said… is this your child? Right? Because normally why I'm in the playground with him or anywhere, someone would come bring him to me, but when I was in church, they never came and got me. So, I went over to the room to peek in and see what was going on… and he was interacting in the Bible class.
Then he began call me to ask me are we going to church today. You're going to bible class. Right? So it would be Bible class and then if I would learn about some activity happening, probably go skate or something… but we just began to do a lot of things together - probably go skate this time or swimming the next time.
Now all of those things i consider victories, but i think the biggest victory was one time i was praying on my own, and I would close my eyes and turn to the East and I'm praying right - and this one time when I open my eyes he is right on the side of me, he just came and get right next to me in a prayer position. And that made me see something, so next thing you know, i’m giving him the Lord's Prayer to do at night, you know. And then, at the end of our prayers before leaving the house in the mornings, I would put in there - glad you're gonna be a gentleman today - that you're not going to hit no teachers - that he is not going to have no meltdown, etc… and that has been so wonderful.
ME: When you think about Elijah’s future, what are some of the things you think about???
MALCOLM: Well, i watch a lot of video’s on You Tube. and i always remember this lady one time, saying that our autistic children need to learn to be adults, and need to be taught like they're adults, or they can regress and be like they are 12 even though they are 42. So, i’ve always carried that with me, and i’m always looking for ways to work that in.
For example, he recently graduated 8th grade, and a lot of people decided to give him money because we were unable to get together and celebrate - due to covid. So right there i saw an opportunity to treat and teach him like an adult and i went and opened him up a bank account. Got him a state id and everything.
Then again, due to covid, we have some time on our hands, and we decided to paint our fence. And a lady saw him painting and decided to pay him $400 to paint her fence, and he was able to put that in the bank.
Now Elijah is only 14, but i always talk to him like a man… and i’m always telling him - you need to own your own business one day. Now, ain't nothing wrong with working for somebody but it's best that you own your old own business… so i just a drill that into him now, and tell him that you can be your own boss now.
ME: in closing, what advice would you like to share?
MALCOLM: If you notice something is wrong with your child or that he or she may be on the Spectrum… try to get into some footwork and do some research and try to learn and stretch yourself as much as you can.
Be sure to try different things and expose them to different things. Don’t spare them from the disciplining that they need, but learn when to hold off on that as well.
Lastly, it is important that you know that you will never know everything, so it’s a must that you connect with people and organizations like Debra Vines and The Answer Inc. Even today, i may need to know something or someone may call me with something they need to know - and in order to help that person, i may have to say, “I don't know much about that, but I know someone who know most likely knows, and if she don’t know she definitely know who knows” — and then i can connect them with Debra at The Answer.
